Sunday, March 9, 2014

Another Unapologetic Look at Apologies

Continuing with my previous post on the nature apologies, I present the next cornerstone of my personal philosophy:


There are two ways of interpreting this lemma: one active, and one passive.

The passive interpretation is that you should live your life in such a way that you never have to apologize to anyone. This should not be confused with an endorsement of the Christian principle of "love they neighbor." The scriptures and holy texts of any and all of the world's religions only provide the shakiest of moral guidance for the primitive screwheads who wrote them. The scriptures are in no way relevant to life in the modern world -- Jesus only loved his neighbor because he didn't own a car alarm. Instead, I mean that you should strive to be competent and reliable in all your endeavors.

When I say "do not apologize" in the active sense, I mean exactly that -- do not apologize.

No, seriously. Like, don't fuckin' do it. Don't.

Since I previously discussed how apologies don't actually solve problems, you will only waste time that could be used to resolve the issue at hand. You have a finite lifespan; to waste your time is to waste your life.

"Well, what if somebody demands an apology? Do I owe them an apology then? Should I just give them one if they are making a big stink about it?" said your internal monologue, just now.

Demand an apology? Ha! Their arrogance astounds! When ever someone demands an apology, what they are really saying is this: "I want to watch you grovel before me, because I am emotionally weak." Groveling will not fix the issue; instead, it only demeans you. Never grovel, to anyone. I don't care who they are -- if someone tries this, defy them. You know you want too; do it. It's as easy as saying "No."

How can you owe someone an apology? The existence of a debt implies a contract. Sure, one could argue that the apology is to rectify a debt caused by a breach of the social contract, but I don't remember signing one of those. In spite of this, people will persist for apologies, for something you did.

After all, you owe them.
You have to atone for your sins.
You're a sociopath!
It's indecent not to apologize.
You should be ashamed!

If a situation forced you to cross the line, then the situation is at fault, and not you. Why are others think themselves to be entitled to watch others grovel? Why must you atone, and who determines what is sin? Why is it wrong to follow your heart? Why should you ever feel ashamed, and who his the right to tell you what you should do? The rhetoric of apologetic pleas is all based on inflicting guilt -- a constraint another places on you, and will not take away until you change your behavior to their liking.

Only the shittiest of people will stoop low enough to use guilt as a weapon to manipulate others.

The worst part is, that once you apologize; it won't end. Recall, that "sorry isn't enough." Once other people can get you to so talk and act how they please, they'll try and to see what else can they get from you. Money, power, sex -- all of these could be extorted with guilt as well -- and unfortunately, they are.
The only thing guilt is good for is robbing people of their dignity. Maybe guilt has robbed you in your past; maybe you're feeling meta-guilty about your prior weakness, which betrayed your earlier self by succumbing to the burden of guilt. Worse yet, maybe you cannot come to terms with your guilt; or that it is so encumbering that you cannot function. No worries; there is always another way. If one cannot shed guilt, or have it rescinded by its inflictor, then one must attack the source of guilt.

One Saturday afternoon, back in undergrad, I was at Mike's house after karate, when a pipe in his basement exploded, for literally no reason. None. The basement was flooding, and he was freaking out because he saw there was no way to stop the rushing water, because the pipe in question turned out to be the water main, which burst right before the master shutoff valve. Did we stand there all day and night bailing out the basement? No, I went to the the breaker box and shut down the water pump, because Mike lived in a rural area, and did not have city water. Now, replace water with guilt, and the anecdote gains relevancy.

In life, you will unfortunately run into these shitty people who demand that you experience guilt. However, you can live a life free of guilt, by shutting it off at its source -- by alienating such people, and eliminating them from your life. The fact of the matter is, there are some bridges which can -- and should -- be burned. So do so, and deny them the joy of watching your emotional distress.

Already, I can hear my detractors tell me that "the bridge you burn today may be the one that you have to cross later." -- but y'know what? Fuck proverbial wisdom. Wait, hang on:


I'll get to that one later; I can probably make a full post out of that one. My next post though will give an example of the "do not apologize" principle in action, and how it applies to an office setting.

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