Ruchela tried to goad me back into going to therapy, because I "have a set of standards that are vague" and I "phrase them poetically," which she mistook for non-specific garden-variety insanity. Once we came to see that it was just a communication issue, she retracted her request, which is good, because therapists here have proved to be an insolent lot.
I've had a hard time lately trying to come up with unrealistic goals. I'm sick of achievable goals, because I know I can reach them. Furthermore, I'm at a point where pursuing normal, achievable goals wont even get me anywhere. For example, I can't further my education, because I've graduated from college -- three times. I don't know what I can do with a fourth degree.
I look to books or websites on how to set goals, and I can't see how any of that shit can apply to me. Their list of goals are along the lines of "plant a garden," while mine are things like "get into fistfight on top of a locomotive." I guess this explains why I've been having problems relating to others -- I really can't relate to other people.
"So what are some of your interests?" asked one of the wildly, supremely incompetent career counselors at the Purdue Center for Career Opportunities, many moons ago.
"Katanas and lasers," I replied.
"Well, there's not going to be a whole lot of that in the real world," she said, in her catty, cunty tone.
Dude, the fuck does she know? I went on to do exactly that, and I was making nearly six-figures at it, until I just got bored and stopped.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately, of what I need to do to continue to grow. Anything other than the acquisition of power just seems like a waste of time. While I have many pet projects, I have no long-term masterplan. I have a few certifications I want to earn over the next three years, but they will not advance my career, or my available opportunities; I simply want them. As such, the act of getting them is on some level, no different than buying a stack of pulpy word-search books from the drugstore.
Delving into the "disturbing number of Word files" on my computer in an attempt for answers and clues left by earlier mes, I hit paydirt -- a neat, concise list of the consolidated wisdom of one of my earlier selves. Of course, most of this are vague and poetic -- but they need to be.
Less is more.
I've included them all in the list below, the fist twenty-ish are in order of importance, but then it kinda becomes a grab-bag; it's a work-in-progress. I figured it was too good not to share, maybe they can help others out. In the meantime, I'll but various systems of values form these philosophical LEGOs. Feel free to play along with me.
- True Strength is giving others what they need to become strong.
- Seek the strength to change the things you cannot accept; doing anything else is just rationalizing failure.
- Won’t you triumph the day? If not, who will?
- Most of what we fear is not worth fearing. What if we are already free?
- Amor fati. By finding lessons and wisdom from painful experiences, they become positive experiences. By this means, one can overcome one's past, and obtain will-to-power.
- Rules are just suggestions. Fuck the police.
- Take strength and grow stronger. Long-term solutions must establish feedback loops (virtuous/vicious circles).
- Mutual welfare and benefit. This is the essence of synergy. Without mutual benefit, service becomes manipulation.
- Maximum efficiency, minimum effort. Strive for optimization, not perfection.
- A dark sword cannot prevail over true evil. A paladin must sheath his sword. A dark sword just consumes its wielder’s life force with each attack. A paladin just needs to block and heal until the Dark Knight eventually destroys themselves.
- The classics are classics for a reason.
- That which is called the Way is not the true Way. Options exist, and the clear path is someone else's.
- Seeing is weak; perceiving is strong.
- Cry in the dōjō, laugh on the battlefield. The ideal training regimen is more difficult than anything you will actually encounter.
- Stack the deck, win the game.
- Question every use of “is” and “ought.”
- Fool me once, fuck you forever.
- A real hero isn’t someone. It is something -- either an idea, or a perception of someone.
- Pressure makes diamonds. Being tough is not a choice; it is the result of not having choices.
- Awesomeness and mediocrity are conscious choices.
- Do nothing, become nothing.
- Belligerence is a virtue. In each society, etiquette was devised by aristocrats as a barrier-to-entry and means of social control.
- It is, in all cases, morally good to call people out.
- Love makes no ultimatums.
- Love is strength.
- In the Age of Information, ignorance is a choice.
- That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.
- Humor conquers all; it robs authority of its power.
- Drama begets drama.
- Drama causes suffering, scarcity causes drama. Drama is thus unavoidable, but it can be mitigated.
- The truth exists despite your feelings about it.
- Most people are cautionary tales.
- Fatigue is a monster.
- Rust never sleeps.
- Today is someday.
- Mediocrity must be destroyed.
- Courage trumps security. Valor is a mirror that reveals all things and exposes evil.
- Fear is a call-to-action.
- One's sense-of-purpose has nothing to with oneself.
- Hard power is limited; soft power is unbound.
- Synergy is the only means by which man transcend himself. Synergy is a state of non-coercive service, unconstrained by obligations, demands, or ultimatums; a mutually-reinforcing cyclic process; "a virtuous circle." Synergy gives without taking, and it cannot be bought.
- Charisma is the gateway to synergy; it satisfies unfulfilled needs by manipulating positive emotions.
- Experience breeds charisma.
- Skill and character cannot be bought.
- Conflict goes by means of deception.
- Fail to plan, plan to fail.
- Defense-in-depth. With redundancy, reliable systems can be built from unreliable components.
- Assimilate, not destroy.
- Strength is the absence of weakness.
- Don’t box a boxer.
- Hard defeats soft; soft controls hard. With cleverness, an undefeatable enemy can become your weapon.
- Conflict is unavoidable, but delayable.
- Break hearts, not bones.
- All power is external.
- Justified vengeance is altruistic. Those who have wronged you will continue to wrong others.
- What good is a sword if you are not a fencer?
- Victory only requires a slight advantage.
- Failure teaches success.
- A safe bet always loses.
- Hardship fosters cleverness.
- The middle path leads nowhere. Heat and cold can perform work; tepid and tepid cannot.
- Give an inch, take a mile. In order to steer your enemies into ruin, they need to develop a little momentum.
- Professionalism is just convincing others that you’re a professional.
- Suffering for its own sake is ignoble.
- The measure of a man is in his stories, and his ability to generate results. No one will remember you -- just the stories about you.
- Once destroyed, information cannot be reclaimed.
- With the power of conviction, there is no sacrifice. If something is truly desired, then the hardships needed to obtain it become trivial.
- The wretched are already punished.
- Fortune favors the bold. The problems boldness causes are instantly solvable with more boldness.
- Survival is not a right.
- Will-to-power results from the struggle against one’s surroundings; this culminates in personal growth, self-overcoming, self-perfection, and the entirely-coincidental power over others.
- Three or more variables create unconstrained systems.
- We were once unconstrained, but no longer, as we have been drugged and incapacitated by the Four Poisons leading to a pathology known as the Human Condition. The Four Poisons are: fear, self-doubt/hesitation, confusion/fascination, and surprise. (Six items are listed because kanji can have multiple translations). Currently, there is no cure for Human Condition, but treatment is available. With regular, small doses of the Four Poisons, one can develop a tolerance to them, and they will gradually lose their effect.
- Constraint leads to irritation.Irritation leads to action.Action leads to options.Options lead to absurdity.
- Sketchiness cannot be faked.
- A rebel without a cause is better than a rebel without an effect.
- Enlightenment is a verb. Life is just a very open-world JRPG, and you must grind to level-up.
- Masters never call themselves masters.